


Never Ask a Pirate to Wash

by sir_writesalot



Category: Super 4 (Cartoon)
Genre: M/M, Pirates, Robots, Technology, malfunction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:20:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28757241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sir_writesalot/pseuds/sir_writesalot
Summary: Being the neat freak that he is, Dr.X can find it hard sometimes to be in a relationship with the filthy pirate Sharkbeard. That doesn't mean he'll stop trying of course.Or: Sharkbeard gets mad at Dr.X because he wants him to be clean.
Relationships: Sharkbeard/Dr.X
Kudos: 3





	Never Ask a Pirate to Wash

Dr.X didn’t even have to look up from his screens to know who had just entered the room, simply based on the scent. The door had slid open and a repulsive smell wafted through, although it didn’t bother the scientist as much as it did when he had first met the person.

“I didn’t expect to see you here today.” Dr.X said, keeping his gaze focused on his work.

There was a small pause before a voice spoke up,

“Ar, well, I wasn’t plannin’ on it…” The familiar click and tap came closer to him as Sharkbeard appeared by his side. The smell suddenly got way worse and the scientist almost gagged, quickly whipping his head to face him.

“What the- What is that smell?!” He quickly pinched his nose in an attempt to block it out. He looked relatively the same as usual, same messy black hair, same purple coat and pants and white shirt, so what was wrong? Why did he smell ten times worse than usual?

“Well, yeh see… Me and the lads got into a quarrel. Rotten squids thinking I’m nice and cleaner now, pah!” He growled, “So I got teh smelliest fish I could find ‘n stuffed them down my coat! Show’d ‘em a lesson or two, I did! Then I decided to come ‘ere, I was too mad at teh lot to stick around.” He crossed his arms.

Dr.X raised an eyebrow, knowing full well that he was the reason why the pirates thought Sharkbeard was nicer, but this was just ridiculous,

“You can’t be serious, you’re making the whole place smell absolutely putrid! Atrocious! Nauseating!”

Sharkbeard gave a small chuckle, taking it as a compliment and moved forward to place a kiss on the man’s forehead, except Dr.X scrambled backwards and ended up falling off his chair trying to get away from him,

“Oh,  _ no _ ! I am  _ not _ letting you come any closer when you stink like this!”

The pirate huffed, turning his head to the side offendedly,

“Well, what do yeh want me to do? I’m a pirate, I can’t let teh others get away with calling me lily-livered.”

“I don’t care! But I’m afraid I don’t want you here if you’re going to continuously smell this way. I have to work here, I don’t want to throw up on any experiments.” He stood up and dusted himself off.

“So yer just gonna kick me out?” He frowned, messy eyebrows entwining.

“Do I have to?” Dr.X stared at him for a moment in silence before the other understood what he meant.

“You’re saying teh only way you’re gonna let me stay ‘ere is if I become clean?!” His mouth went agape in sheer horror.

“So what will it be?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Yeh’d have to be a fool to think I’d have a bath.” The pirate’s hand almost reached for his sabre but he remembered the time X yelled at him for pulling the blade to his throat and decided against it.

“Maybe, but I find it unacceptable for this to go on any longer. At least get rid of the  _ fish _ in your pockets.”

“No way! Yeh’d have to pry ‘em from me lifeless hands.” He put his hands over his pockets.

“Then what about brushing your hair? Or shaving even the slightest bit? What about washing your clothes?”

When Sharkbeard couldn’t take the questions any longer, he pulled out his sabre and growled,

“If yeh think yeh can force me teh change so much just so yeh aren’t bothered by the smell, yeh got another thing coming!” He shouted, not going to last another minute being insulted.

Dr.X froze in place, then frowned, now rather offended,

“All I’m asking is that you make yourself presentable! How dare you pull a sword to my throat!” He yelled back.

“Well perhaps I don’t want teh stay here if it means makin’ a fool outta myself in front of me lads! Maybe bein’ with them ain’t so bad then!” Sharkbeard spun around on his peg leg and scurried away, exiting the room. He’d rather spend his time with the others than this cod-liver right now.

Dr.X stood there for a moment, even after the doors had closed behind the retreating figure. His gaze lowered slightly before he sat back down, staring at the light blue glowing screens in silence. After a moment of trying to distract himself from the fight, he waved his hand dismissively to make the screens disappear and rested his elbows on the table top and buried his face in his hands.

He knew pirates loved to stink, but he found it absolutely sickening and had no idea why. There was no doubt that he loved Sharkbeard but honestly sometimes it could be so difficult with him. The man was stubborn, rude, only thought of himself and…

The scientist lifted his head slightly when he realised he was listing some of his personalities too. Ugh, he was a fool trying to change something so important to him. Maybe he could fix this. But how? He just felt awful.

His thoughts were interrupted went the door opened once more and someone stepped forward,

“Professor X? We were wondering if you could help us with something.”

He sighed and looked up at Albert, one of the scientists who worked along him. He had black hair and glasses, which he pushed further up the bridge of his nose as he awaited a response from his leader.

The man thought for a moment before standing up,

“No time, I’ve got something important I’ve got to do.” He quickly rushed past him.

“But sir, this is important, it’s-” The door closed in front of him, leaving him alone, “About a malfunctioning robot…” He gave a small sigh.

Dr.X strode down the corridor and over to the anti-gravity tubes which he glided down. If Sharkbeard had left some minutes ago, he could still find him because his ship would probably be close. 

Hopping onto a hover pad, he left the dome as the doors were opened for him. His eyes scanned the blue waves, searching for the ship when he spotted the brown dot on the horizon. He quickly shot towards it, summarising what he wanted to say in his head. It was difficult for him to admit he had been wrong but Sharkie meant so much to him… He couldn’t leave this on bad terms.

He neared the ship and the pirates onboard watched after being alerted by the one in the crow’s nest that someone was approaching.

“Cap’n, it’s your boyfriend.” One spoke, turning to look at Sharkbeard.

“I can see…” His eyes narrowed, “Tell the rotten jellyfish to bugger off, I don’t want teh see his face right now.” He waddled over to the cabin, closing the door behind him. He didn’t really feel like dealing with whatever insults Dr.X wanted to throw at him now.

As Dr.X reached the ship, he got the stink eye from several of them, realising they knew that Sharkbeard was upset with him at this moment. He didn’t exactly want to talk to them but he noticed Shark wasn’t amongst them so he had no choice if he wanted to find out where he was.

“Er, greetings. I don’t suppose you could tell me-”

“Cap’n’s not very happy with yeh right now.” They cut him off.

“Yes, I know but if I could just-”

“He don’t wanna see you now, yeh barnacled squid, now back off unless yeh wanna get yer face blasted off.” Otter Fin frowned, holding up his cannon arm.

“For goodness sake, all I’m trying to do is apologise! It’s hard enough already, why have you got to make it harder?!” He frowned.

“And if yer lying?”

“Yes, I flew all the way out here to insult him. Just let me see him, I erm, promise it’ll ‘benefit your captain’.”

There was a silence as the pirates exchanged uncertain looks. They always listened to their captain but… Giving a nod, they decided to let him,

“Very well, but if yeh mess with ‘im, it’s not gonna end well for yeh.”

Dr.X gave a nervous chuckle, moving forward and landing on the deck. He wasn’t going to leave his pad with the pirates because they were savages and the chances of them destroying something were very high. So he picked it up and tucked it under his arm, carefully trying to avoid the dirty pirates to reach the cabin.

“Yeh think Shark’s gonna be mad at us?” One asked.

“When isn’t he?” Another scratched himself and watched as Dr.X entered the room, closing the door behind him, “Back teh yer posts.” He said blankly.

Sharkbeard stared at him deadpan, kicking his feet up onto his desk,

“Knew those bilge rats couldn’t even do their job.” He grumbled under his breath.

“Listen, Shark, I came here to apologise… I shouldn’t have asked you to do something so against all your customs.”

The pirate raised an eyebrow at his apology. It wasn’t often he admitted he was wrong, but he couldn’t help still feeling mad.

“Darn right yeh shouldn’t have.” He crossed his arms and looked away.

“Please,” Dr.X placed the hover pad down on the side and walked up to the man, “This is extremely difficult for me, what can I do to show you I’m sorry?”

There was a pause as Sharkbeard smirked, thinking of all the things he could get him to do. He then pulled a fish out of his coat and held it out to the scientist with a grin,

“Yeh wanted me to be clean, I want yeh to be grubby. Hold teh fish.”

Dr.X’s face dropped as he partially flinched away from the stinky object,

“I… Suppose that’s fair.”

“And I also want yeh teh hug me.”

“A-Again, also fair…”

“An’ a nice, big, kiss.” He finally added, smirking.

Dr.X blushed nervously, tugging slightly at his collar,

“A-Ah, reasonable…” He said, carefully taking the slimy dead fish into his gloved hands. He retched, moving his head away so he could try to avoid smelling it. A thought popped up into his mind that he should just leave since this was just absurd, stupid and unsanitary, but he quickly suppressed it because that wouldn’t help their relationship at all.

He frowned as Sharkbeard chuckled and placed the fish down on his desk,

“Yes alright, enough of that.” He dusted off his hands.

The pirate stood up, treading over to him, and suddenly wrapped his arms tightly around him. Dr.X gave a small squeal as he was lifted off the ground in a back breaking grip. Sharkbeard was way shorter than him but he was also way stronger than him, able to lift up twice his weight. It could be helpful in a fight but at the same time having a strong physical partner meant the squishiest embraces.

“Can’t breathe-” The scientist gasped.

Sharkbeard held on for a second longer before dropping him and laughing, letting him catch his breath. To be honest, he was kind of adorable. He remembered his crew being very confused as to why he chose someone like Dr.X to be his boyfriend since he was weak and hated anything that was filthy, but there was just something so… Similar and sweet about him. He really liked him and the loyal lads completely supported him because of that.

The scientist carefully straightened himself out and looked down at Sharkbeard. Perhaps it wasn’t so bad, but… He’d definitely be using his Cleano on himself after this.

Moving slightly closer to him, the pirate gently cupped Dr.X’s cheek, rubbing it gently with his thumb. The man leaned into the touch with a warm smile and placed his hand atop of Sharkbeard’s. He loved how different his skin was to those of the Technopolians. It was rougher and coarse from years of swords fare and injuries gotten, compared to the soft and clean skin he had.

His eyes gently closed and they both slowly moved their heads forward, about to meet when a sudden blast sent the ship rocking to the side and the two flying across the cabin. Dr.X yelped in fear as he hit the wall with a thud and Sharkbeard tumbled across the desk before landing on the ground with a groan.

The ship carefully swayed from side to side and Sharkbeard quickly got to his feet and moved to Dr.X’s side, helping him up.

“What’s going on?” He panicked.

“Arr, I think we’re under attack. Come.” Sharkbeard said hurriedly, scurrying over to the door and opening it. Outside was absolute chaos. The pirates were running around the blazing deck as a large robot hovered on the side, shooting lasers everywhere.

The pirate turned to look at the man beside him, pulling his sabre out,

“Gadzooks! What’s yer blasted tin can doing?!”

“I-I’m not sure! It must be malfunctioning. I need to try to override it.” Dr.X pointed to the robot while he glanced around to see if there were any scientists who had followed it, but there were none.

“Of course yeh wanna get close…” Sharkbeard sighed quietly and began running forward with Dr.X by his side. He ducked as a shot wizzed towards his head, then carefully tried to stamp out a fire as Dr.X began shouting,

“Initialise system reboot, authority: Professor X, agent 421138!”

When it didn’t respond, continuously shooting lasers, Dr.X decided to go behind the robot. The scientist crouched down and fumbled around as he tried to open a panel on the back of the moving being, eventually popping it open. His eyes widened as one of its arms suddenly swung around, only bringing his arm up just in time as the concentrated beam of light instantly tore through his sleeve and burnt his skin.

His arm stung horribly and he shrieked in pain, recoiling his arm and stumbling backwards. Sharkbeard’s head instantly perked up and a moment didn’t even get to pass as he shot towards the robot, not sparing a second as he slashed at it again and again.

It stopped firing but Sharkbeard only halted when he eventually got exhausted, by then the mechanical being was in microscopic pieces, completely unsalvageable. He remained in place and glared down at it, huffing tiredly, before he glanced up with a softer expression at Dr.X.

“W-What was that?!” The white clad man gestured at the unintelligible pile with his good hand from his seated position on the wooden deck, “I could’ve fixed it! Now a perfectly good robot’s gone to waste!” He shouted.

The pirate’s knotty brows furrowed as his look turned into a sharp glare,

“‘Perfectly good’?! I let it destroy half of me ship so yeh could ‘fix it’ and now it hurt yeh! None of that is good yeh blasted herring! It could’ve shot yeh face off it yeh hadn’t moved yeh arm in time! Yer life ain’t worth the dumb tin can’s!” He yelled back, fuming.

There was a small silence as everyone awkwardly stared at the two, all fires on the ship successfully put out. Dr.X lowered his head, looking down a little disheartenedly. Sharkbeard sighed and slid his sabre back into its sheath, kneeling down besides the other. The scientist slowly lifted his gaze, thinking he was going to say something, but quickly found himself being picked up.

His eyes widened slightly in surprise,

“W-What are you doing?”

“Taking yeh inside. Some rest will do yeh some good.” He looked over his shoulder at his mates, “Turn the ship around for the metal island lads.” They all quickly got to work around the ship to turn it around.

“I can walk, you know. I only hurt my arm.” Dr.X pouted.

“Do yeh want to be carried or not?” The pirate snorted.

He gave a nervous chuckle, going quiet. Of course he wanted to be carried, so he wasn’t going to complain.

Sharkbeard once again entered the cabin, placing the scientist down on his chair. Dr.X watched as the other took a handkerchief and doused it with water from a bottle. They mostly had rum and beer on the ship, but there were some bottles of water as well just in case. The pirate rolled the burnt sleeve up and pressed the cool handkerchief on the burn, making him wince slightly.

“Yeh doing alright?” Sharkbeard asked, knowing that he had a lower tolerance for pain. Honestly, sometimes it was dumbfounding, something like a small paper cut made him panic and get over dramatic about the pain. But regardless, he wanted to make sure that he was fine and feeling better, so he treated it as seriously as some of the worse injuries that were out there. Sharkbeard had massive scars across his body from fights, so he wasn’t new to the idea of treating his own wounds, but it was strange helping someone else.

“I am now. Thank you…” He gave a small smile, “I suppose a little… Reward is due for you so bravely saving me, huh?”

“I guess I was brave, eh?” He smirked.

Dr.X leaned forward and gently pressed a kiss to the pirate’s lips. It was sweet and soft, exactly what they needed after this long and eventful day. After a moment, they pulled away and rested their foreheads against each other.

“… Does this mean I’m forgiven for trying to make you have a bath?” Dr.X questioned.

“Teh be honest, I’d already forgiven yeh before. I was just teasin’ yeh.” He chuckled slightly.

Dr.X raised an eyebrow before sighing,

"Of course you were." He gave a small smile, "Just so you know, we're even now. And no more smelly fish for me."

"Understood." Sharkbeard grinned and laughed.


End file.
